All my life, I have struggled with being a doormat. For a long time, I thought that’s what I should be. No one really explained that things could (or should) be different. I passively accepted whatever came my way. I thought that was the way I was supposed to live.
As you can imagine, things did not go well. I let a lot of bad circumstances steamroll over me. Interestingly, I was more apt to stand up on behalf of others, rather than myself. But I was doing it from a place of wounding. No one had stood up for me, so by golly, I would stand up for the downtrodden. You can see how that skews everything with the wrong spirit. It’s not wrong to speak up on behalf of others. But it’s got to be done with the right motive.
As I began to go through inner healing, I started to realize I was not created to be a doormat. I’ll never forget when God showed me what being humble really means, and how it differs from false humility. Genuine humility is where you lower yourself in submission to God. This happens from a standing-upright position. You bend your knee to Him, humbled in His presence. A doormat cannot do that. You have to be standing upright before you can humble yourself.
Inner healing has changed me from the inside out. I am starting to find my own voice and be able to stand firm in situations where I would have been a doormat in the past. I am also able to speak up on behalf of others through genuine motives as led by the Holy Spirit – not because of a reaction to my own wounding. I am still a work in progress, as we all are. But I can see the changes, and so can the people around me.
I want to share with you an article about this same phenomenon. This was written by my friend Kerri Johnson at The Center for Inner Healing. She is one of the people God has used to mentor and hold me accountable through the process of inner healing. I appreciate her wisdom, and you will find that wisdom in her article.
I recognize myself in the “wounded lover” (i.e., doormat) category, which is one of the extremes she describes in this article, because I used to sit very passively in that place. I am beginning to emerge, and allowing God to help me stand up and speak the truth in situations where He leads me.
See who you most identify with in this article, and ask God how He is working in your heart to bring you out of your wounding and into your true identity in Christ.
Here is the article: Lovers v. Fighters by Kerri Johnson at The Center for Inner Healing.